Woodland Grilled Cheese Sammich
Scientific classification
Kingdom: Animalia
Phylum: Chordata
Class: Tasteums
Order: Sammichus
Family: Sciuridae
The Kansas Freerange Woodland Grilled Cheese Sammich, KFWGCS (pronounced Kifwigks), is native to the prairie area of the central United States. An adult KFWGCS will grow to be approximately 6 inches in length. A weight of up to one pound is typical of Grilled Cheese Sammichs of this breed. KFWGCSs will live to be, on average, about 3-5 years in age.
The KFWGCS is not to be confused with the North American Grilled Cheese Sammich, which is a popular food item among modern day humans worldwide. Like most things dealing with Kansas, no one wants to put any part of the KFWGCS in their mouths.
The skin of a KFWGCS, young or adult, is very scaly and almost
porous. Refer to the picture below.
Very similar to Gary Shandling's face.
The KFWGCS has been roaming the North American heartland for almost 1000 years. Scientists date the arrival of the Grilled Cheeses Sammichs to back when the great Zebricock roamed the prairie as well.
The Native American's used to make war shields out of the dried pelts of herds of KFWGCSs. Often they would brand the carcasses in such a way as to have the representation of a whiteman on them for added dramatic effect.
Nests
KFWGCSs make their nests primarily out of any paper, or paper-like products they can forage for. Their nests can be anywhere from a tree, to under structures, and in rare cases, in a human's home. Below is a photo of a KFWGCS nest found in a home in southern Kansas where the lack of electricity and phone lines prevents people from knowing about KFWGCS infestation issues.
Food
KFWGCSs are generally herbivores, and will eat various fruits and vegetables, as well as some plants. In extreme cases KFWGCSs will result to cannibalism if no other sources of food can be located. In captivity, KFWGCSs will also eat, in addition to their normal diet, such items as cheese and some condiments.
Reproduction
Mating season for the KFWGCSs is in early October, with the gestation period lasting about 4 months, and litters generally consist of four to six pups. Mating lasts about 30 minutes, and consists of lots of grunting and panting. Like people, they prefer doggy style. Below is a rare photo of mating taking place, the male KFWGCS is on top, tapping from behind.
The only known predator to the KFWGCS are squirrels. This has been proven to be due to the fact that squirrels are mostly retarded, and appear to eat anything.
Caution: below are some graphic images of
squirrels attacking defenseless KFWGCSs.
Stay tuned for next week's Kansas Wildlife creature:
Kansas Ball-Gobbling Slut Ass
