Easter is not only the time of year when Jesus comes back to visit everyone whom isn't Muslim, but it's also a time to give your children seven pounds of sugar and small animals that they can't properly care for. This inevitably leads to a excess market of unwanted, and mishandled animals for the next month or so.

In light of this, used and slightly damaged animals are often up for sale on sites such as craigslist and in cheap, shitty classified papers. Perhaps it's cruel on my part, but I find animal liquidation sales to be particularly humorous for various reasons. Allow me to share with you some of the advertisements I've seen via various media, and perhaps my source of morbid humor will become clear.

Guinea Pigs For Sale - $10

We have 17 Guinea pigs for sale. We have a variety of colors to choose from. Please feel free to give us a call at 619-428-5177. Please no phone calls later than 9:00pm. You are more than welcome to come by to take a look at them and pick the one that you want. Please hurry these go fast.

Buying in bulk saves on costs so I guess if you're going to splurge and buy your kids rodents in celebration of Jesus, you might as well do it right and buy 17 of the fuckers. Go big or go home. Guinea pigs normally go for $40, so letting $680 worth of guinea pigs go for $170 is one hell of a deal / case of buyers remorse.

Chinchillas for Sale - $2

They are approximately 1 1/2 years old, tame and with distinct personalities.
Purchased at Valley View Chinchilla Farm in Vista where you can purchase feed and any other supplies much cheaper than pet supply stores. Low maintenance pets...just need love and a little attention.

Two fucking dollars?! Chinchillas cost approximately $150 at a pet store. What kind of shitty, half-assed chinchillas can be had for $2? Fur falling out, missing ears, half-blind, quadriplegic, dead, but what the hell. The choice between two shitty McDonalds hamburgers and a chinchilla should be abundantly clear.

Bunny Rabbit Pets - $100

2 rabits both under six months one is a netherland dwarf need a good home we just cant have pets any more must be sold as pair because they were raised together and are best friends includes rabbits cage food and litter box call mark 401 xxx xxxx MAKE ME AN OFFER

Translation: "Two baby rabbits for sale. One has stunted growth, due to birth defect and malnutrition. Can't keep them because the white one freaks the hell out of us. Must be sold together because without the other one, the stunted-evil-white one goes ape shit and kills anything it can. Includes cage, and smaller animals to sacrifice for it's appeasement. MAKE ME AN OFFER FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!"

Twisted Hamster FS - $5

Gave it to my daughter as a present. Five minutes later it was cocked 45 degrees around, and we can't get it set back straight. Price is set to move!

Twisted hamsters are rare, and it's a seller's market for these rare treats right now. I myself own enough of these to occupy a large pile of various fluffy bits that you literarily can't make heads or tails of.

Used animals being placed in for sale ads are just plain funny. Funny like watching someone break-dance, or watching a child fall down some steps.