Bob is a trial lawyer from the Kansas City area.
He's 40 or so years old and has a hot wife named Brandy, and two sons.
I have no picture of Bob, but I typed "fucking awesome" into google image search and came up with this:
We'll pretend this eye-patchy gentlemen is Bob.
Bob and his wife have probably the best form of
communication in a marriage that I've ever seen.
I can't really do him justice by trying to tell you
any of all these stories, so I'll just give you the
best quotes from last night that I can remember.
Quote 1
On the way to the restaurant Brandy mentions that
Bob used to be a male cheerleader in middle school.
Bob's reply as he's sitting right next to her: "I
hope you get in a fucking car wreck tonight and slam
into a ditch. The boys will be very happy with their
new mommy. You fucking bitch."
Brandy: "What's the big deal?"
Bob: "I hope you drive under a fuel truck and
swallow your own blood."
Quote 2
We make it to the restaurant and we're discussing
families.
Brandy: "I don't really want to have more
children, it's too rough on me."
Bob: "I'd like to have more children, just with a
different woman."
Brandy: "Take that back right now!"
The room goes quiet as Brandy stares and Bob and Bob
says nothing.
Quote 3
Still at the restaurant.
Bob: "I was just thinking about killing you. I'd
tell people you fell down the stairs."
Brandy: "That's it. The night's over. We're
leaving."
Bob: "Aren't I the man you fell in love with?"
Brandy: "Aren't I the woman you had an affair
on?"
Bob: "Uh, yeah."
Quote 4
Leaving the restaurant.
Bob: "I can't believe you sold me out. It's not
like I even mentioned your whore of a sister. With
her huge, caverness, worn-out twat. Her
elephant-like, gaping twat."
I laugh while Brandy says nothing.
Bob then farts.
Bob needs his own TV show. Seriously.
Sucks to be Bob's wife.
Awesome to be the people who witness the two
together.