The wonders that spew from Bob's mouth never seem to cease. And I think Jesus everyday for that fact.

I also thank Google image search for continually finding pictures of Bob for these stories.

This story starts as all good stories start....in some sort of spin-fuck chair.

As Bob tells it, he was in some sort of spin-fuck basket hanging from a ceiling fan. A loud explosion at 3am abruptly woke him from his spin-fuck slumber and he crashed to the ground.

This sudden transition from sex-basket to floor apparently was responsible for dislocating one of Bob's spinal discs.

Although I've never had a dislocated disc in my back, from what I hear, it's not very comfortable.

Bob was in enough pain that he had to visit a doctor to figure out what his options were.

Through the tests the doctor performed, it was discovered that Bob had dangerously high blood-pressure which could have caused him to have a heart attack at any moment.

The doctor recommended Bob be put on blood pressure medicine and have minor surgery to repair his back.

 

....Bob disagreed with these recommendations, and instead offered his own solution to the problem.

What was this miracle of modern medicine that Bob knew would solve both his problems at the same time? He figured a strict regiment of alcohol should do the trick. Booze will help with his pain, and he knew that alcohol would thin his blood, thus lowering his blood pressure.

The doctor assured Bob that alcoholism was not a medically acceptable way to deal with high blood pressure, but Bob knew better then to listen to that boldfaced lie.

Bob's supreme wisdom, and better knowledge of the human physiological system was really starting to pay off when this quack of a doctor had the audacity to suggest medication and surgery for Bob's life threatening and painful condition.

Last time I saw Bob, he was highly drunk, and grinding on some girl at a bar when he wife wasn't looking.

I'm glad to see that he's sticking to his medication regiment and that it seems to be working.

But wait, what would a Bob story be without some choice quotes?

Quote board O' Bob

while on the phone with the waitress standing right next to him:

"Remember that one fucking shit that almost killed you and made everyone's dick burn?"

while staring directly at the waitress:

"If it's going to the that kind of party I'm going to put my dick in the mashed-potatoes."

loudly for our entire section to hear at the restaurant:

"I went to daycare the other day with a boner. Not just a normal boner either, like a cut-shit, tear out my pants boner."