The improper way to answer the door: naked and asking "Are you here for the gangbang?".

Tickling women until pee comes out is never as funny for them as it is for me.

Dropping a garbage bag full of 30 gallons of water on some guys face tends to demoralize him.

Shoving a whole foosball table into an elevator apparently renders the elevator inoperable.

Driving 22 hours straight rarely is as easy as it sounds.

Sleeping in a bed with someone that agitates the hell out of you is better then sleeping in a bed that someone was fucking killed in.

Napalm will QUICKLY burn down a part of an apartment building, and will leave a giant penis burned into concrete for at least 3 years.

When a license plate's registration expires, you can just make a new one in Photoshop and print it out. It's cheaper than renewing.

That same thing from above also works on insurance cards...until you have to use it.

Putting your nut sac on every doorknob in a dormitory is a fun way to make friends.

Pinkeye is a gift worth sharing.

Dating a woman with lesbian tendencies...not as good as advertised....my tits were never good enough.

Kidnapping a friend so that he can't study or do homework is a great way to waste 3 hours of his life.

Jaeger? Just say no.

Wearing only a slip, stockings and a thong, on a Halloween night is a poor wardrobe decision when its an outdoor event.


Taking the protective screen off a microwave door isn't necessarily the brightest idea.

Breaking into a missile silo results in a A LOT of sheriffs showing up to escort you out.

Selling bootleg copies of DVDs is an easy way to make $15,000.

This is not a good way to impress women: