Bold parts being the
actual message.
-----Forwarded Message-----
THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN
1. Women order wine while at fancy parties, but men
order BEER!
- No myth here, this is very extremely true, and
very extremely good and tasty
2. Women have periods and men leave the toilet seat
up every GOD DAMN TIME what's that about?
- The lunar sickness is more than a myth. But
what's the toilet seat thing about? Well, don't want
to give away all of our secrets, but really it's a
hint to women. Short of leaving porn everywhere and
throwing your shit out in the street, it's our
primary method of demoralizing you so you don't come
around so often.
3. Women are smart and read books but men watch
FOOTBALL and BURP!
- Well, if reading all the books that Oprah
tells you to read makes you smart then I suppose
that is true. Burping is the male equivalent of
barking to let other men know our happiness or
anger, much like that high-pitch squealing sound
that women make that's almost beyond our hearing
range.
4. Women go through the pain of child birth but men
let their buttcracks hang out of their pants EW!
- Seems like men really won on that issue.
However, that statement isn't exactly accurate. I've
seen far more college slag with their crevasse
frolicking in the sunlight then I have men. One plus
of this system is that should one of the crevasses
materialize in front of you in class, it's easy to
just put your pen or pencil right in there...it's a
fun game for all.
5. Women take forever to put on makeup but men CHEAT
ON THEIR WIVES ALL OF THEM DO.
- Again, it just seems like your jealous that
you drew the short straw on that issue. You know how
many many other women we can have sex with in the
time it takes you to paint your face?
Hundreds...literally, hundreds.
6. Women cry at good movies and men SMELL LIKE SHIT.
- First off, I'm not 100% in love with your tone
here Betty. Second off, that's real mature, way to
really act your age.
7. When women get together they comfort one another
and talk about important issues, and when men get
together they fight and give each other GAY KISSES
in their stupid little garages.
- I can't argue much with this one. The timeless
discussion of the largest object you can fit in your
cooter is an important issue, no doubt. But what
else are we men supposed to do after we fight in our
garage? The gay kisses are just our way of making up
after the sweaty shirtless battle is over.
8. Women always land on their feet when dropped from
a height but men OGLE OTHER WOMEN'S CLEAVAGE
constantly in public.
- Not true, I've dropped many women off of tall
objects. Sometimes they land on their face, and
sometimes square on their tits. I've seen very few
land on their feet.
9. Women can become lawyers and doctors but men can
only JERK OFF IN THEIR OWN FACES.
- So what? Are we not allowed to care about the
health and well being of our skin? Don't you think
that protein helps my skin look youthful and
radiant? Sure, medical science hasn't proven any
positive effects to jerking off on ones own face,
but that's doesn't mean there isn't one. Science
hasn't found a cure for cancer yet either, but you
have to keep trying.
and lastly...
10. Women fake orgasms but men should JUST DIE IN A
FIRE ALREADY ARGH.
- Can and do. Liars. Everyone of you. I'm going to go die in a fire now you fucking liar.