Candy.
Hearts.
Red stuff.
Frilly undergarments.
Crying while masturbating, using your own tears as lubricant.
Yes, it's time for Valentines Day. The biggest crock of shit holiday this side of Thanksgiving (I'll save that for part 2).
History
Valentines Day is named after Saint Valentine, the patron saint of greeting cards. Saint Valentine used to make little cards to give to the towns people. These cards were used by Saint Valentine to let everyone know how much poon he was getting. Often also in the cards were crude drawings of Valentine getting freaky with the towns women.
One of the only cards remaining from Valentine. Showing him and a
blacksmith's property having some tasty sex.
Despite the chronological gap between Saint Valentines time and our own, little has changed.
The modern rendition of the holiday has, as such, capitalized on the greeting card idea that Saint Valentine started.
Most importantly, the day still upsets men worldwide.
On this day of cardboard and sugar, you don't have to look far to be reminded of all the women that want nothing to do with you.
Since I don't give a fuck about how many slam pieces Valentine broke off, I've decided this holiday to make card's that don't waste time. You won't have to read between the lines on any of these beauties.
No beating around the bush on this one
Words from the heart, brings a little tear to my eye.
The gift that keeps on giving.
That's what the holidays are about, memories.
What? You're busy with the baby right? Why should both of us be tied
down?
Apology accepted.
Courtesy of explosm.net
That's a real thoughtful gift.
Time to eat those boxes of candies with random stuff in
the centers of them.
Aww crap, this one has toothpaste in it.