With one key difference. The lack of any lubricant.
Whereas things that piss me off may only be a slight rodgering on the scale of getting fucked over by someone, Out of the Butt and Into the Fuck is a full on rape buffet.
You can't fool me County Executive Joel Giambra! I see you holding it but I know you won't use it!
So what oh what could it be that raped me today?
Well, not so much me, but numerous people get raped by this "service" everyday (and I have been raped by it...oh sweet monkey Moses I have).
That "service" would, of course, be Paypal.
"But Mitch, Paypal is so convenient, and makes online shopping so much
safer".
What's that? I'm sorry I couldn't hear you. To be able to discern what
you're saying, let's play this fun game; it's called "Maybe you should
have a mouth full of shotgun with your toe on the trigger, then try to
talk to me while wiggling your toes".
It's a fun game.
And if you use Paypal long enough, it'll most likely be the only way
they'll leave you alone.
Reasons Paypal sucks the floppy one
1. Paypal takes 3% of ANY payment someone receives using their
service. Most credit card processors will take around that same amount,
but ONLY on credit card transactions. Paypal does it for credit cards,
checks, direct transfers, money you give in person with your own hand,
birthday cards that have money in them, etc...
What's better then getting only 97% of the payment for your cheap shit?!
I'm not sure I want to know!
2.They say they offer protection to both buyers and sellers. Let's
enhance that "protection" they claim, shall we.
Enhance
Enhance
Enhance
Ah ha! Now we got it. Their protection policy is a just a clever name for
their "let's play a game called just the tip, just for a minute, just to
see how it feels...then stick it in a break it off" policy. Not sure why
they changed the name, that other name sounds catchy to me.
Basically, if you buy shit with Paypal, all you have to do is say you
never received it, and if you didn't get a tracking number or anything for
the shipment, consider that shit free because Paypal will give you all
your money back straight up. So fuck you sellers.
If you send payment to someone for a good or service, and ANYTHING at all
is out of place, the seller will be classified as "unverified" and Paypal
will basically tell you to send your money wiser next time while the
seller gets your money and keeps their shit. So fuck you buyers.
3. At anytime they damn well please, Paypal can go into any bank
accounts you have linked to them and take money out of it. It's true.
They've done it to me and people I know. What's that? You're right! This
$300 is sweet! Ah shit. Paypal just reached it's hand into the cookie jar
that is my ass and royally fucked me.
Want more fun stories?
Visit www.paypalsucks.com
Here's a screenshot taken from Paypal's own website that includes internal
comments that weren't supposed to released to the public..
Whoops! Dammit Bob! Don't let the public know we're fucking them over! Let them figure it out on their own.
Paypal's new logo, written by me:
Paypal: If you love buttsex without the goddamn common courtesy of a reach around, and would like to watch us fuck your mother while punching your retarded sister in the face, WHILE simultaneously pissing on your dead grandfather....then sign right up!
Did we mention it's free!