Out of a mixture of curiosity, boredom and a love of fucking with people I decided that I'd take up a new hobby of taking the piss out of internet prostitutes...and not in that way that you have to pay $150 and supply a bucket for.
This particular target was found via Craigslist, home of all the most cheap and worthless stuff. I'd recently been made aware that in addition to cheap crap, you can also buy cheap women on Craigslist.
There seemed to be some trend for women to offer up them doing god knows what on a webcam for $5, which raised more questions than boners.
I decided that it was most likely some sort of scam, or ploy, but I didn't know exactly how it worked. I figured that since they sell digital va-jay-jays, that they probably were none too smart and that I could have some fun with this scenario. All you have to do is contact the slut via AIM, and then you're supposed to be in webcam heaven. The investigation began ...
Below you'll find a transcript of what transpired (real AIM name changed to protect men everywhere):
Me: "Ahoy there."
Sploogeinmyeye69: "Hey baby."
Note: All e-whores call you 'baby'. Be weary of anyone that calls you baby, they could be a digital slut.
Sploogeinmyeye69: "How are you??"
Me: "I'm doing alright."
Sploogeinmyeye69: "are you interested in a cam show baby?"
Me: "Not sure. I've never done this before, and don't know how it works."
Sploogeinmyeye69: "well i send you my private link and you sign in and i redirect you to my private room and do anything you want me to do."
Sploogeinmyeye69: "You have 2 choices...."
Me: "Anything I want you to do as long as it's one of the two choices? This game sounds rigged."
Sploogeinmyeye69: "no baby. You can pay $5 for 45 minutes of cam time, 24 hours access to me and all the girls on the site and free phone sex during the show, or $30 for 3 hours of cam time (seperately or at once), 30 days unlimited access to me and all the girls on the site, $20 credited back to you for other shows during your service and free phone sex during the show."
Me: "$5 for 45 minutes seems like a pretty good deal. That's what, a little less than $7 an hour? You're not in Indonesia are you?"
Sploogeinmyeye69: "No baby"
Me: "That's good. Cheap shoes and cheap sex are what they do there though, so I needed to make sure."
Sploogeinmyeye69: "Come on baby, you know you want me."
Me: "Are you Chris Hansen? I'm on to you Chris! Fool me twice, shame on me."
Sploogeinmyeye69: "Baby, I need to know if you want a show or not."
Me: "I imagine your time is very much in demand, what with the low asking price for the e-poon. How many times during a day would you say you do this?"
Sploogeinmyeye69: "Not sure."
Me: "Are you not there during your own shows? Your clever facade is crumbling at your feet Chris. You must regain your composure if this ruse is to go on."
Sploogeinmyeye69: "Quite a bit."
Sploogeinmyeye69: "Are you interested?"
Me: "Glad to have you back Chris. Do you have any enticing photos you could send my way, to help further lure me into your web of lies?"
Sploogeinmyeye69: 
Sploogeinmyeye69: "There I am baby."
Me: "While I'd like to thank you for having my internet connection and image load times in mind, I may recommend you use larger images next time Chris. It helps to keep the fourth wall intact. Beyond that, those are clearly stock images."
Sploogeinmyeye69: 
Me: "Chris, it seems we're in some sort of vortex where neither my knowledge, nor your inept deceptions will ever escape."
Me: "Since you sell webcam shows, I would assume that you could just turn on the webcam that's right in front of you and send an actual picture. But that's assuming you can track down a hot girl, possibly a production assitant, to show instead of revealing yourself, Chris."
Sploogeinmyeye69: "Its not on."
Sploogeinmyeye69: "I only have it on during shows."
Me: "I feel your pain Chris. I can barely work my DVD player successfully, I bet that webcam is a tricky mistress."
Sploogeinmyeye69: "well i have other customers waiting, would you like a show or not."
Me: "No doubt. There's always at least four or five men that get busted per one of your episodes, so you must have lots of offers coming in at all times."
Sploogeinmyeye69: "so right now someone is waiting to see a show."
Me: "Oh God I know, I hate waiting for my shows to come on. You must feel it even worse, working at MSNBC and all."
Me: "Let me do a little price comparing real quick and then I'll get back to you about your offer."
Me: "BTW, would you happen to have a Great Dane around we could use for the show? That's a deal breaker for me."
Chat Session Ended
I'll never know how close I came to being a celebrity on To Catch A Predator. Trying to catch my 15 minutes of fame is so hard.
Like in most places, prostitution is not legal in southern California, but the interweb isn't in socal, so I guess somehow it's ok for slutbags to sell their orphaces via the internet.
I count this encounter as a victory. Not only did they not get my hard earned $5 (which is a lot in Indonesia), but I know that I, at minimum, confused the hell out of this e-slut, and took up much of her time which no amount of $5s will ever buy back.
I saw right through your ploy Chris Hansen