I prayed to Jesus saying:
"Dear baby Jesus. Dear 8 pound 6 ounce baby Jesus. Why you decided to plague the earth with Zikzaks presence is beyond me, but far be it for me to question your motives. But why oh why all-powerful baby Jesus would you let his shit-brain thoughts spread to others? How could the most retarded of ideas held together loosely under the disguise of the proper english language, as is Zikzaks writing, possibly help in the grand scheme of things? Dear baby Jesus, I'm asking you now to make Zikzaks balls fall off so as to prevent his reproducing with any female that may be unaware of his severe brain deficencies. Afterwards, please kill Zikzak where he stands, as well as any of his offspring he may have had. I'm also asking you to kill anyone whom follows his ideas. I ask this in your name oh tiny baby Jesus."
I'm sure upon reading that prayer, you're as flabbergasted as I am. There's someone else spreading Zikzaks theory?!
As proof that the universe is a cruel uncompromising bitch, I present to you Zikzak's protégé Alan Lustiger.
Alan has hidden his web of donkey-shit under the guise of a FAQ. I'm unsure as to whom else other than Zikzak would classify these questions as 'frequent', however.
The 25 stupidest questions ever asked in a FAQ
1. Is there any evidence that a thermonuclear device exploded over
Hiroshima in 1945?
No, absolutely none. According to leading historians and physicists,
the thermonuclear bomb was not invented until years after the supposed
detonation over Japanese territory.
Leading historians and physicists huh? I'm not even sure there's a witty or intelligent response to you're clever play on words other than:
2. Is there any evidence that a
uranium-based "atom bomb" was ever dropped
onto Nagasaki, Japan?
Absolutely not. While many historians and journalists
made this claim
in the late 40's and early 50's, everyone now agrees
that no such
bomb ever exploded over Nagasaki. Yet there are some
who still stubbornly
cling to this supposed "fact."
Everyone. Everyone agrees that it never happened. Even
the people who: flew the plane, built the bomb, loaded
the bomb, filmed the explosion from the chase plane,
or how about HAD A FUCKING ATOMIC BOMB DROPPED ON
THEM. Wasn't uranium based, but it was an 'atom bomb'.
Other than those un-credible witnesses 'stubbornly
clinging' to the fact, everyone agrees it never
happened. By everyone I of course mean those people
that wear tin foil hats to keep the government out of
their brain.
Don't mind me. I'm just faking it anyway. Nothing happened here.
Move along. Hahahaha, this prank will be so sweet.
3. What are the materials needed to make an "atom
bomb?"
Uranium-238 and plutonium-239.
4. Aren't these materials radioactive?
Highly so. Anybody who attempts to use these materials is endangering
his/her life.
5. Is it likely that nuclear scientists in the 40's would be
handling uranium and plutonium?
This would be highly unlikely. Very few people felt so threatened
by the Japanese to be willing to risk their lives on a theoretical
chance of a superbomb that could end a far-away war a little sooner.
Exactly correct. No possible way for anyone to handle radioactive
materials. Anyone who would do it would die instantly. Oh wait, except
for in REALITY.
We certainly don't work on it from behind HUGE FUCKING LEAD SHIELDS to protect us.
Or perhaps:
How are we even alive? Oh yeah. Radioactive protection suits that conform to OSHA standards for safety in radioactive environments.
You fucking douchebags.
6. Aren't there witnesses to the atomic bomb in Hiroshima?
The only "witnesses" that could possibly survived this supposed
explosion would have been blinded by the intense flash of light,
so their testimony is quite unreliable and contradictory.
There's no possible way anyone could have witnessed the sun for
themselves. They would have been blinded looking at it. So the sun must
not exist.
It's a tricky idea to wrestle with, but stay with me on this one. The
burst of radiation that causes flash blindness from the explosion only
lasts a few microseconds coming from the direction of the blast. Much
like the sun, if you're not facing it when it flashes, you won't be
blinded.
Their testimony is quite contradictory? No fucking way. That's how
EVERYTHING works. There's evidence for it, and on the opposite end of
the spectrum we find...oh what's that...oh yeah...contradictory
evidence.
100,000 people saw the bomb go off and the destruction afterwards.
This evidence is contradictory, and hence doesnt count
Simply amazing.
Chance someone was in Hiroshima when the bomb went off, and wasn't
looking in the direction of the blast: 93%
Chance that Alan doesn't know jack shit and blows smoke up asses as a
hobby: 104%
7. According to conventional historians, was the uranium bomb tested
before supposedly being dropped over Hiroshima?
No. There was no testing whatsoever of a uranium bomb in Alamogordo
or anywhere else before Hiroshima.
8. Isn't that strange?
Yes. Typical weapons are tested for months and years before deployment;
there is no other weapon that according to the accepted "facts" deployed
before any testing whatsoever.
More fun plays on words! Yay! Uranium wasn't used at the Alamogordo
test, only Plutonium was.
9. How many witnesses are there for all of the atomic tests allegedly
occurring during the fifties and sixties?
Very few, perhaps a few hundred, who claimed to have seen them.
So except for hundreds or thousands of witnesses and the films recorded
during the test, there's no witnesses or facts right?
Whew, I thought the cat was almost out of the bag on that one.
10. What did the General Advisory Committee of the Atomic Energy
Commission say in their report of October 30, 1949?
They recommended strongly against the development of what they
called the "Super Bomb," which is simply a thermonuclear
bomb. They said that "A super bomb might become a weapon of
genocide."
11. Isn't this four years after Hiroshima and Nagasaki?
Yes. Obviously development of nuclear weapons occurred well
after their supposed implementation in 1945.
Nuclear? Thermonuclear? I suppose if we used consistent terms and
definitions we fall under your spell of bullshit. But alas, I'm not
retarded.
Nuclear: Fission based implosion or gun type weapons which began
development in the late 30's early 40's
Thermonuclear: The hydrogen bomb. Fission-Fusion-Fission based weapons
which began development in the early 50's.
So yes, four years after USING NUCLEAR WEAPONS, there was some
dissention about developing thermonuclear weapons.
That's like saying Cell phone wasn't around until the 80's, so
telephones weren't around until the 80's. Sure cell phones are a type of
phone, but not the only type.
It's like we're trapped in a vortex where neither my wisdom, nor Alan's
Downs Syndrome will ever escape.
Tenacious D disagrees with you Alan. They got you this gift. It was on sale at Target. It's real nice.
12. Is radioactivity dangerous?
Everything is radioactive to some extent.
13. What was the triggering method of the bomb that supposedly
was dropped on Hiroshima?
According to the standard historical accounts, it used a gun-
assembly trigger.
What? Actual real life facts? What are those doing in this FAQ?
14. Wasn't the gun-assembly method of triggering abandoned
in the design stage?
Yes; according to these same sources the gun method would not
work with uranium-derived plutonium-239 because some of the
plutonium-239 absorbs a neutron to become plutonium-240, which
undergoes spontaneous fission, all before supercriticality,
causing a premature and very small explosion that is unusable
for the very purpose that it was supposedly designed for!
Ripping good yarn. And completely true. Which is why U-235 was used in all gun type weapons FOR ALL FUCKING TIME. Not plutonium, which was only used in implosion type weapons.
15. How do conventional historians rectify these two "facts?"
They don't even attempt to.
Of course not. They just look at you in disgust and bewilderment.
17. Why was Hiroshima "targeted," and not Tokyo?
Perhaps because no one had heard of Hiroshima, and no one knew anyone
from there. It would be far more difficult to claim that Tokyo was bombed
than Hiroshima and Nagasaki. In fact, most world maps from before "World
War Two" do not even mention these cities at all.
18. How does Japan benefit from the "atom bomb" story?
As a direct result of the "war," Japan has received billions of dollars
worth of US aid for its defense. Japan has essentially no defense
budget, so it can pour resources through MITI into defeating the US
economically, all while playing on the emotions of anti-"nuke" activists
about the "horrors" of nuclear weapons.
Maybe they targeted it because it was, I don't know, maybe, possibly, of military importance? Just a wild stab in the dark.
Yes, Japan sure benefited from it all.
Oh golly gee shucks. If only some world superpower would come drop an atomic bomb on me, and then pay me millions or billions of dollars for the other damage it caused.
Of course we gave them money afterwards, we also gave money to Germany to help rebuild. I would expect no less if someone came and fucked up my house too.
19. Wow, I never thought of that. How else do the Japanese
benefit from this story?
The Japanese now own major Hollywood studios, from which many war
movies are produced. Also, they play upon our sympathy for the
supposed "atom bomb" to blind us to the fact that this foreign
nation had taken over our semiconductor industry, many California
banks and practically the entire state of Hawaii.
This is all a part of the Japanese plot to take over the world.
According to the "Protocols of the Elders of the Orient," this
is a Japanese conspiracy all foretold by their ancient texts
that very few Anglo-Saxons have the ability to read.
Who the fuck has thought of that?! Japanese plot to take over the world using our Hollywood studios and computer chips huh? Well, I guess there was 3 Fast and Furious movies made.....
19. How many people are supposed to have died in the explosions?
It is hard to say. Some sources say 60,000 in Hiroshima, others say
140,000. No attempt has been made to rectify the various numbers.
20. How many people die annually from car accidents in the US?
Over 50,000.
21. So, what makes Hiroshima so special?
Nothing, especially given the contradictory evidence about it.
Car crash....nuclear explosion.....same thing really.
If as many nuclear explosions went off everyday as their are car crashes, maybe our buddy Alan could piece together the difference.
22. Boy, I'm mad. What should I do about this?
Glad you asked. First, send me lots of money so we can spread this
message far and wide. Maybe we'll take out ads in college newspapers
or something.
Second, direct your anger at the Japanese. We are the victims, and
they are the aggressors. Make yourself feel important again by bashing
Japan at every opportunity. Japanese people are inherently evil, and
basically subhuman. They were never bombed, and if they would have been
they would have deserved it. Who do they think they are, anyway?
First off, I'd recommend killing yourself. Please. Pretty please.
Bashing every Japanese person you see huh? I don't see how that can go wrong. Good job Hitler. I mean Alan.
23. Wow! You mean that I could write stuff like this, too?
Sure! It's embarrassingly easy to write what we wrote above.
Oh, I forgot to mention: I have a Japanese girlfriend who agrees
with EVERY WORD I've written above. Here she is:
"Yes, I am his Japanese girlfriend. I love him very much, and I've
always been troubled by my Japanese friends claiming to know people
who died in Hiroshima."
The key word there is 'embarrassingly'. Anyone can write complete racist made-up bullshit! It's fun for the whole family!
Yes, I am Alans Japanese girlfriend. Despite hating EVERY Japanese person since we're all 'subhuman', he decided to stick his wick in me anyway. And since I'm the foremost authority on everything Japanese, he can take anything I say to be true. Plus, I'm the queen of the moon. And I have a several homes there. Potato salad.
Wow, a real genuine moon woman? That Alan sure is a lucky guy. No way that could be made up.
Hey Alan, the nuclear weapons program wanted me to give you this very special message:
While it's fun to make stuff up like Alan did, actual facts and knowledge are generally more accepted.